I Never Thought It’d Happen to Me Like This

Leveled

So I’ve been working on this song (“Leveled”). I feel like it’s a pretty intense track (or it will be). It’s basically about the struggles of life, anxiety over it not being a very long thing and fighting with yourself to assume a viewpoint of being able to control and command things during the time you have it.

I feel like it’s definitely a thing that’s super real for me and probably will be for others. At times you feel like you just don’t know what the fuck is going on, but the reality (something fortunate, if you think about it), is that you are causing so many problems for yourself and a lot of anxiety can be taken care of by observing what things you can immediately control and take some sort of action on those things (even if there are other things happening that make them seem less urgent).

What Did You Do?

Things like withholding the truth or doing things that (although, maybe inadvertently) harm others, not taking care of yourself, and generally assuming the viewpoint of “victim” can definitely lie underneath what seems to be a confusing, hard-to-play game of life – especially if you behave in this way for some time – it just kind of creeps up on you. Sure, there are always other things that seem inexplicable, unsolvable or perhaps caused by God or aliens, but I strongly believe if you focus on what you definitely can exert some control over and do so, (like write a song, maybe?) some life events will lose their connection to their initially certain ethereal sources.

I definitely try quite hard to be responsible, not only for myself, but for other things I feel could be or are in my sphere of influence, and as life continues, I find that this sphere is something that can and should only grow larger. Otherwise life would probably feel like a tribute to Benjamin Button.

Anyway, although I cannot say this song is a strong endorsement of the anti-victim, super-responsible viewpoint I strive for; in contrast, it’s more of a cathartic work, and through the effort and emotion instilled over time into this song (and really, most songs I’ve been writing lately), through writing it and now during it’s production, I hope to achieve some sort of dissolution, to a smaller or lesser degree, of the underlying emotion (or lack thereof) I pretty commonly struggle with.

James

P.S.

Here are the lyrics:


Let’s find a way to even out the playing field
You can consider now, that everyone’s got something concealed
We’ve all got something still to hide
It doesn’t matter much if no one’s even given or tried
Please don’t stop this game
I’ve only just rolled the dice
and I just wanted to see
Who gets the better life
You know, you know, I didn’t make the game
You know, you know, I never learned how to play
Please don’t stop this game
I’ve only just rolled the dice
and I just wanted to see
Who gets the better life
I never thought it’d happen to me like this
I guess overlooked the fact that I was bound by the wrists
But we’ve all got someone to whom we’ve lied
You swear you’ll tell them but it doesn’t mean much after they die
Please don’t stop this game
I’ve only just rolled the dice
and I just wanted to see
who gets the better life
You know you know I didn’t make the game
You know you know I never learned how to play
Please don’t stop this game
I’ve only just rolled the dice
and I just wanted to see
Who gets the better life